Why Staying Single for a While May Be a Good Idea For You
Time alone helps you build a healthy relationship with yourself (if you’re intentional about it.)
It wasn’t until I learned how to enjoy my own company that I began to feel enough content and fulfilled in my life.
Too many people (women especially) are running from themselves; feelings of discomfort, loneliness, and other big thoughts and feelings that they insist on being with and observing.
Not judging here, just stating the truth, and truth that I know can be hard to hear and acknowledge.
However, continuing to avoid and run from uncomfortable feelings will only hurt more in the long run. Wherever you go, there you are.
Excessive vacationing, partying night after night on the town, working to burnout, serial dating, and always having your social calendar full only gives you temporary relief.
Let’s see if we can come up with some better and more effective options in dealing with big feelings instead. Options like practicing self-compassion, patience, nurturing and love, and cultivating healthy independence.
Let’s dive in!
What self-compassion looks like.
First off, I want you to know that it’s not entirely your fault that you feel you must run from yourself and all the big feelings you experience on a day to day basis.
Most of us were conditioned from a very young age on how to express (or suppress) our feelings. Your parents were your teachers and role models growing up. If they didn’t know how to hold emotional space for your feelings, the odds are you don’t know how to either.
The journey now is to start practicing and developing the skill of being emotionally available for yourself and how to be compassionate with yourself.
Developing this practice and skill isn’t something that has to be complicated or overwhelming. The key is to start gradually.
A valuable tip:
Whenever you start to feel very anxious or overwhelmed, try not to be so quick with logging onto Amazon, popping the wine cork, or texting back your no-good ex.
Instead, put one hand on your heart and the other right above your navel. Take a few deep belly breaths in and out. Then repeat out loud to yourself three times slowly, “I am safe.” Reaffirming to yourself that you are safe is very calming for your inner child and your central nervous system.
Doing this simple self-compassion practice every time you feel like avoiding or running from any big feelings you are experiencing will pay off big time.
Imagine how much your relationship with yourself can improve in a short period if you make a compassionate practice like this a new habit and skill.
What having patience with yourself looks like.
You know how you listen to a dear friend explain her day and how you listen to your three-year-old explain what his day was like in school and how you do both of these things without interrupting either one of them?
Well, this is you modeling patience. You want to turn this patience demeanor on to yourself too. When you really listen to yourself and how you feel emotionally and physically throughout the day without interrupting yourself, you are better able to cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself.
A valuable tip:
Next time you notice you are impatient and crude toward yourself. Take a moment and ask yourself, “Would I behave this way toward my dear friend or three-year-old telling me about their day?” Most likely, the answer is no.
Whenever you notice yourself getting impatient, take a pause, deep belly breath, and ask yourself a question about your current behavior. Is it short-tempered and rushy? Or is it present and patient? Every time you do this, you are intentionally improving your relationship with yourself.
What being nurturing and loving looks like.
Let’s be real here; there are a lot of hurt people in the world. If we take a trip down memory lane, we’ll see that many never had their emotional needs met in childhood. When emotional childhood needs aren’t met, it can set you up for a low self-imagine, tons of social anxiety, and a lot of pain.
In childhood, emotional needs that weren’t met have to be met today in adulthood if you are ever to feel worthy, loved, and safe in your own skin.
It’s going to be very important for you to learn how to meet your own emotional needs moving forward. The better you get with learning this skill, the better you will feel about yourself and other relationships.
A valuable tip:
Every night before you go to bed, look in the mirror and say to yourself, “ I love you. I am here for you. I am proud of you.” Every morning when you wake up, look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I love you. I am here for you. Today is going to be a good day. I am looking forward to our future and what we are creating together.”
These phrases are examples of self nurturement and love. Feel free to say whatever you wish, just as long as it’s emotionally supportive.
When I learned this self-love practice from my life coach, and I actually did it morning and evening consistently, I quickly noticed the shift in my mind and body. I started to feel better about myself, my days, and where my life was headed. I hope you will give this nurturing technique a go.
Cultivating healthy independence.
Wouldn’t your days and overall life feel so much better, free, and fulfilling if you knew how to make yourself happy and not outsource this task to other people?
I remember being that dependent, needy, and I’ll do whatever it takes to get your attention, kind of girl. My happiness was dependent on always having someone around so I wouldn’t feel lonely. And my standards, oh geez, were super low. It didn’t matter how crappy I was treated. I took it because, well, something was better than nothing, so I thought.
But all of that began to change when I started learning about inner child and soul healing work. Basically, when I learned how to build and grow a healthy relationship with myself first and foremost.
A valuable tip:
You must become your own best friend, partner, mother, and father to yourself that you never had. Why? Because if not, you will spend the rest of your life betraying yourself over and over trying to prove your worth and value to others.
The only person who needs to know your true worth and value is you. Once you get to this point, attracting healthy relationships, amazing opportunities, and more are just around the corner.
Work on building your independence a little bit each day by being willing to spend more time alone examining your thoughts, journaling them down, and questioning their truth or falseness.
Use the valuable tips I shared throughout my article to clarify the relationship you wish to have with yourself. This deep inner work is worthy of your time, attention, and commitment. You’re more likely to succeed at it if you are willing to be single for a bit.
