What Happens When You Don’t Set Boundaries

Why you fear speaking your truth with those you really should.

Do you have a hard time setting boundaries with others where needed the most?

Why is setting boundaries with them so important to you?

Have you tried setting boundaries before with these folks, but nothing good came out of it?

The truth is that where many of us need to be setting boundaries the most is where our unhealthy relationships tend to be. Not all lack of boundary relationships are toxic. However, I think it’s fair to say that 80–90% of them that are lacking boundaries are the most unhealthy and toxic. And these are the scariest ones to speak your truth and needs in. Aren’t they?

What I want you to ask yourself is, “What is this specific relationship giving me that I insist on communicating how I’m feeling and what I need from them in return?”

Do you feel like you’ll be all alone if you speak your truth with this person because they’ll be so pissed off with you and give you the silent treatment for weeks (just like they have so many other times in the past when you tried expressing your feelings and needs to them)?”

If that’s the case, can you even say that this person truly loves, respects, and values what you have together? That type of response shows the exact opposite to me. It reflects a huge need to be in control, lots of insecurities, and a big lack of healthy emotional availability. It seems quite one-sided and selfish like this person is quite toxic to be around.

This is the behavior that TOO MANY of you are putting up with and tolerating because you haven’t dealt with your own issues around self-worth, esteem, and confidence. When you don’t deal with your own emotional baggage and truly heal from it, you’ll tolerate emotional abuse from others and not even realize that is in fact, emotional abuse.

A lot of people are living their lives in fear of abandonment, loneliness, and enduring consistent mistreatment from others (as well as putting it out towards others,) because they aren’t taking personal responsibility with doing their own deep inner healing work from past childhood and adulthood relationship trauma.

How much longer will you continue repeating this pattern?

How bad does it have to get before you start making a change?

Aren’t you sick of living and feeling this way, isn’t enough ENOUGH already?

For years, I lived the same way. I was the one who’d blame others and attack them verbally because I was in so much pain and fear myself. I also was on the receiving end for WAY longer than I’d like to admit. The emotional and verbal abuse is what I felt I deserved because my sense of worth, value, and esteem was in the gutter. In the gutter because there was a lot of abandonment in my childhood upbringing. This led me to believe something was wrong with me, that I wasn’t good enough, not lovable. And so, these were the exact relationship patterns that followed me into adulthood.

Then, one day, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. Thirty years old, burned out from work, my negative persistent thoughts, selfish superficial relationships, and bankruptcy.

I said to myself, I need some serious fucking help, and immediately! That’s exactly what I got, and man did my life transform a whole hell of a LOT and just within a year.

Today, at thirty-seven years old, I’m engaged to an AMAZING guy who’s on the same path as me, meaning we’re committed to our personal growth and evolving consciously more and more each day. I do work that I love, that feels purposeful and for the highest good of all, and that’s my passion. I’m traveling a ton seeing, learning, and experiencing what I don’t know and becoming a better person because of it. I’ve repaired, cultivated, and grown healthy and supportive relationships with others, and WOW, I can’t express enough how rewarding and fulfilling that has been.

Relationships are a HUGE part of life and happiness! ALL of us need them, healthy and mutually supportive ones, that is!

I swear nothing is super special about me in having been able to turn my life around. I just got completely fed up with feeling like shit, being treated like shit, and living in constant fear and hating myself. These feelings are what led me to seek out help and then actually get it! I did so in the form of life coaching, but some do in the form of therapy, either one is a great route to go, and 100% worth the transformation!

For the past six years, I’ve been teaching women how to heal from their past and take their power back in ‘A Confident Woman Unleashed’ my 90-Day Signature Program. I became a life coach and started helping women with their ‘deep inner healing work’ after experiencing how much taking this journey has helped me to change my own life. It doesn’t take years of sitting on a couch with a therapist to help yourself and turn your life around, you can do a LOT of healing and rebuilding in JUST A FEW SHORT MONTHS, promise! You just gotta be willing to love yourself enough to take the journey of healing from your past and rediscovering your TRUE self-worth. I can help you if you’re ready and committed to doing so!

If you’re, I invite you to schedule a free 30-minute Clarity Call with me here https://bit.ly/ClarityCallwithNikki to learn your next steps. Hope to chat soon!